Love has a meaning; but it has no meaning as an abstract inside thought. When its stretched outside of you, then it means something, then its Love – and the further its stretched the bigger the love.

God doesn’t simply have an actless thought for us, He has real Love. Love in a sunset, love in nature at every scale, love from the cross – expressing exactly his love: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”.

But what about us loving back? I don’t want to have an abstract empty thought for God, I want to have love. And theres even a commandment which starts: Love the Lord your God. Don Francisco writes ‘love is not a feeling its an act of your will’. That feeling makes you willing, but it shouldn’t just make you willing. Paul Heaton writes ‘don’t do what you can, just say that you would…as long as it makes you feel good’ (satirical reference to treatment of the poor) and this is the opposite of that.
And what about sharing God , not keeping Him inside? It says ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:16). Whether someone believes they must share God to save someone from going to hell, or whether someone believes they must share God because He has forgiven everyone and given up everything to fight off their sins – either way, I think, its designed to be anything but a locked up thought inside, a private personal point. And I think thats wonderful…

And then theres Abraham praying in Genesis 18. He recognises God’s justice and love – and doing that in a small way leaves me both overwhelmed and confused. He intercedes for Sodom (intercession is a place beyond loves joy) and subsequently at least Lot, Lot’s family and the village of Zoar are saved. But I think intercession often comes out of trying to wrestle with the juxtapositin of God’s justice and the heartbreak of burden. Things can start to feel like they dont make sense (bereavement, or just wishing other folk could see how amazing it is to ‘know’ God as a person and not just as a word, surely the point of Jesus coming as a person), or aren’t fair, or safe .
And that is ok because unconditional love doesn’t make sense. It’s not supposed to fit with anything, not least how life is. At least it wont make sense in words alone because its not just words anymore, its love; someones self to God relationship with.

so im just loving that God is love is what I’m trying to say

Don’t worry I’m not in teen angst.

This summer I have seen miracles – seen arms that couldn’t move, move. Seen deaf ears healed. Seen my heart opened to a wider, bigger, closer, more beautiful version of justice and social action. Seen and forgotten and remembered powerful experiences of God, being unashamedly real.

This Summer, also, I’ve fallen off the political breakfast table and would have probably left the labour party if I knew how. Basically I want for a world where human life tramples gold, and if you imagine a reality of just that one sentence in practice it quite literally turns everything I believed in, regards politics, totally on its head. Bits of me extreme left, bits of me extreme right, but the vast majority, nowhere on earth. And I want to see more of this.

This Summer the big saga, pickle and drama has been the flat situation. It is now resolved. The truth is now that although I’m definitely positive about the PhD, I am still oh so chaotically nervous and stressed about next year for lots of reasons (I feel like a first year might feel moving into halls). But if Summer says anything, it says to trust, and if Christian says anything it should be ‘Yes Lord’.

For someone I know, who suspects its them. Maybe I will never say ‘will you let me help you?’ but I am always there if you do.

Quick greek lesson:
Phileo – friendship love
Agape – commitment love
Eros – romantic love

‘When’

Sun steps slowly through the clouds…Windows watching.
The wind washes kiss across your face. Its morning. Nature meets you on a porch, with flowers and a sparrow. You welcome it in, with broken heart and half remembered smile. As night time slowly leaves you, stop to cry. As morning arms embrace you, do nothing and trust.

Lying down you feel the long grass cold and wet, feel the shine in your face, smell the peat and the hint of an easy life. You catch yourself smiling again, then thinking of people. Michael, Sarah, Kate and him again.
‘Whats the point?’ asks the lover in your heart. ‘There is no escape.’
Phileo in your heart, phileo in your blood.

Ripping grass out between your fingers, clawing your nails on a life indestructible.
You’re angry at me and you’re angry at God. You feel like noone can help you. Noone can. So you sit, hungry, crushing daisies in your thumbs whilst happy people try to help.

But you still remember don’t you? That’s why you sit by the flagpole remembering names, waiting for the truth, waiting for mercy, retribution, a song. You’re waiting for someone who can save you, or never let you go. You don’t love Him but you need Him.
Agape hold on you. Never let you go.
…
This is sunrise, hill and flag. Long nights spent here praying, for your future and your friends. This place is water in your tears, when you’ve tried to leave. Praying now is harder, quieter, but parts of you still say trust, as the sun hides behind the clouds those parts say feel the rain, feel new. As evening is coming, light vanishes but the way still seems clear. Desire starts to guide you like eros in thought.

You know I have been here, just like you. Sobbing pain not so different, sickness not so different. So I pretend I understand, but the truth is that I don’t. You see, somewhere in recovery I forgot. I spent years searching for an answer, gazed up at clouds, clawed through wormholes – I think I found an answer but I forget what it was.
Ach, the paper’s tangling in my hands.
Any time you want to turn around and look at me I’m here.

I have felt the same. Felt the knife inside turning like the hands on a clock, felt the pain of just surviving. No hope, no help, nothing in the world to stop you from falling. Crying out, year on year, you expected there would be an answer. I’m sorry but I found the answer. Heard something. It made me forget the pain, so I’m useless to you now, though with all my heart I’d try to help you.

So all you have is questions.
Why is this happening to me? Why? Where is He?
All you have is teeming farms and forest, you sit on nature next to rivers and set down fields. You’re lying by the river bed and waiting. You’re holding out your hands and nearly asking. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. I hurt you.

Some thoughts about the proposed constitutional reform…

Will it be ideological?

Recently Hilary Benn criticised the use of the phrase ‘war on terror’ in the US, saying that it gave the impression that small numerous groups with little in common were part of something larger. Regardless of whether someone agrees with that or not, I think the use of the phrase ‘religious extremism’ also has potential dangerous.

By using the phrase religious extremism instead of religious criminality I worry that perhaps we will legislate against belief and not bombs. That we can believe whatever we want to believe, should be enshrined. If by extremist we mean someone who goes about killing people then fine. But if we don’t mean what they do, but what they believe, that is not fine. Britons should be free, not just to hold views relatively close to that of the queen bee, but to be free to have extremist and fundamentalist views on a range of things from vegitarianism to labour party activism to religion.

Will it be nationalistic?

‘You can tear all of the governments down but you still won’t find the lease’ – why should we be required to be patriotic? What if I don’t want to be? What if I think France is just as cool as the UK? What if I don’t want to believe in borders?

We’re encouraged to be proud of our country. It does some great things. But it does some horrible things as well.

Will it be democratic?

Brown seems to have thought about this a lot, and cabinet seems to have discussed it a lot, but details for the public still seem scant. Abolition of sofa government means more than just consulting cabinet.  I have little confidence in consultations anyway, but I note that its not the views of plumbers, policemen and priests but politicians.

I mean these views will seem silly to people who don’t share them, because we don’t have a common reference point – we don’t know what the details of the reforms are. I’m not criticising it before I’ve seen it but am rather recommending that we should see it.

Finally a rehash ae Wikipedia i th mither tongue

http://sco.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

I’m on a bit of a specific christian mission at the moment and possibly forever. Can’t say too much about it on this thing here (wish I could) but if you’re a Christian, please pray I’d be able to stop some terrible things that happen every day from happening in the future and somehow help the present victims. Today is day one and it seems like either or, if either at all.

I arrogantly thought I was going to be great at this but I’m not very good. Still passionate for it though, and have to keep trying.

I found out who I was this year, and I feel really ENFJ everyday. 

This is based on the myers briggs test thing, which provides enough real life application to make it a really worthwhile subject to buy a book on. And I usually despise buying books which are claimed to be such things, so it must be true.

Unfortunately this apparently makes for some worrisome reading regarding ‘disfavoured careers’

favored careers:

disfavored careers:
race car driver, scientist, computer specialist, airline pilot, computer programmer, financial manager, epidemiologist, truck driver, electrical engineer, software designer, web designer, business consultant, dj, bookseller

Finding out who you are just makes things harder.

For many, studying these 16 ‘types’ of personalities (not diminishing the manifold brilliance and billions of personalities out there) helps them understand eedgits and nutters and normal people all around them, and why they do what they do but you don’t. For me its also been really good in understanding myself. Because someone has to.

Mark Weisner’s vision of Computing is very exciting, and you can find it here.

However Jesus’ plan for you is even more exciting, and you can read a tiny bit here and a bigger bit here.

You know that three-loves-in-Greek thing* (click the link to find out more)? I’ve heard ministers at church say that Phileo is fellowship or friendship love. Eros is passionate romantic love. Agape is commitment love, and Gods love for us. (I could have gotten that wrong)

If we love God, and agape God, why can’t we eros God? If someone has a crush on someone they have an over-riding longing and its eros. Distracts you when you try to think about anything else. Why don’t we have a crush on God?  I found it beneficial to ask Him.

Someone asked what spiritual growth was and I think it can arise from eros with God.

*Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why  no no no no no no no no no no

“Today if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts…”

Maybe God is speaking to us all the time. I think about who I want to be – I want to be someone who is listening to God all the time. But just as I was thinking that today a picture came in my head of something unexpected, and that unexpected thing turned out to be reality, with an associated warning. It wasn’t thunder and lightening.

Maybe we think we are cut off from God, like our prayers hit the ceiling. I once thought that for years. But I’m starting to think that we have everything in our hands that we need for spiritual growth. Everything we need to give up and say God I need you. By give up I mean leave behind what we love and want more than God or just as much – respect, success, beauty.

Maybe we always have everything we need to give up, throw ourselves out of our comfort zone, resist the devil and flee from sin and thunder and lightening would just be a distraction.

If He is speaking to us all the time then its only our ears that are the problem and not God Himself. So God is speaking to me and doing things I am not aware of, saying things all the time – theres a message there if I could hear it.

Even if someone isn’t a Christian then God has said something to them today. Easter Sunday. The God of the whole universe, come to earth, died for our sins and ressurected so we can have hope. Not a moral hope, or a moral death, or this-is-the-symbol-we-take, but the God of the whole Universe, who with one word created billions of suns that give off more energy than a hundred Hiroshimas every second, who painted the mountains in, came and let Himself die, and came back, grabbing us by the shoulders to say “Wake up! Stop living with no reference to me.” and providing a very real mechanism in Christianity by which we can personally know Him. He’s saying lots all the time, we’re just not listening.