real and weak

December 31, 2006 at 11:58 pm (Christian, With what I do may I worship you)

This Christmas holidays I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned about the importance of humility: realising your weakness. I’ve also learnt by mistakes the importance of standing strong even when you think it doesn’t matter.

Its been really exciting to learn these things, and also very powerfully learn that prayer works even when you think its not (so please, keep praying for the person I can’t name here).Got a cough but, and spending new year indoors 😛 EVERY YEAR IM IN BED AT NEW YEARS 😛 a symbol that I should rest? Or just the fact its freezin out. Yeah probably that.

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Brilliant

December 29, 2006 at 3:42 pm (Computing, Ctrl Alt and Delete)

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Mary’s Song

December 26, 2006 at 1:06 am (Christian, With what I do may I worship you)

My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for He has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.

(Luke 1:46-48)

Lately I’ve been keeping a diary. I used to think that I wasn’t that complicated, didn’t have secrets, and any particular heights of emotion were very few and very far in-between. So far I’ve only got about three entries in this diary and theres enough scandal to fill out a season of Coronation Street and yes enough emotion even for Eastenders. I was quite surprised.

I’m not telling you whats in there, sorry. But one thing has occurred to me, from reading Mary’s song, all the passion in it, and thinking of things I am passionate about.

We can fill our lives with so much! I can fill it up with tiddlywinks and be the best tiddlywinks player in the west, get a medal blue and gold, get my own frontcover in tiddlywinks weekly. Or say I managed to write a story about something that actually reflects the passion I feel for it inside, that takes it unfiltered from my heart to the page without the disappointment that comes a few days later that its not the closest to what I feel, not the best yet. So what?

Will I be happy? Maybe, bits and pieces, still got to be a bit angsty for writing though mind. Will the people around me be happy? Maybe the way I play tiddlywinks makes them smile, maybe I manage to find penny crayons magic crayon and it makes everyone happy with writing.

But actually, I want more than that.

“My soul glorifies the Lord” says Mary.

I want a soul that glorifies the Lord.

I can fill my life with a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j….

Or I can just be quiet.

“He has been mindful of the humble state of his servant”

Marys soul glorified the Lord. Mary was humble. Mary was used by God, for eternal purposes. All that other stuff? Ecclesiastes says it all melts away. I want more than ‘melts away’. I want eternal purposes.

Reckon I read the bible less at weekends and when I’m at home. It just isn’t part of my schedule then. But maybe the real reason is, that all the things I fill that off time with, are things that melt away, and when I worship Him, for as long as that lasts they don’t exist. I want to finish that assignment, hang out with this person, be a this be a that, finish off some story. Maybe all He ever wanted me to do was to be humble.

My big challenge this year isn’t to graduate. It isn’t to write Crystal Lake or whatever else.

Its just to be humble.

There is so much in that word, that I’ve so often put off and never matched up to.
So many things it requires that I’ve worked around and then ignored.
But maybe this will help me worship, and to hear Him: being humble, waiting.

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