headhopping to portable sounds

March 31, 2007 at 5:14 pm (Christian, Music beeping and bopping and singing in rhyme)

I don’t often buy new music, especially as I’ve been skint lately but God let me through. I got ‘Portable Sounds’ by tobymac and ‘Lose My Soul’ has been my favourite song ever for this week. You should go to his myspace and check it out

The writer doesn’t want his life reflected in material money and matter.
Theres a bit like:
I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul
Lord what are we going to do? We’re relying on you,
all eyes are on you Lord

Lately it feels like I’ve been offered great opportunities in-this-world. The background music during this time is this album on repeat. When it talks about decisions in the above quote, I feel like something near to my spirit responds to it.

‘all eyes are on you Lord’. Because ‘Lord’ is how I want my life to label Jesus. ‘all eyes are on you’ is how after everything is done, if it ever is, I want life to have pointed, pushed and shouted loud and clear to Him and of Him. Nothing could touch or feel that. Its the highest calling there is; pain sorrow esctacy spirit and word rolled in.

Everyone keeps offering money and fame. (I don’t have a clue what to do except…)

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deacon blue is the colour beautiful south is the name

March 28, 2007 at 4:54 pm (Music beeping and bopping and singing in rhyme)

My Beautiful South reverie has finally been interrupted – by deacon blue. Pure brilliant min. Just for mentioning kelvin way.

 Your Swaying Arms

Send me back all the thing she ever wrote
Tell me secrets of her days when she was young
Show me nights when she laughed
So innocent
I`ll be happy
Waiting till they come
Love the people that she smiled upon
Walk with me in streets
Where she once stood
Say if it could be that we once passed like strangers
Long before the love we ever new
`Cause I`ve been longing
For a new world waiting
I`ve been hoping
To be sent
I`ve been picking up
All the love we squandered
Until you
Hold me in your swaying arms again
One day I can see us walking
Arm and arm in sheltered Kelvin way
Talking and tripping and teasing
And heading for the best part of the day
When your head
Falls softly on my pillow
No fear will make you cry or turn you grey
And we will wake
So early in the morning
Knowing you`ll never
Never
Never go away
`Cause I`ve been longing
For a new world waiting
I`ve been hoping
To be sent
I`ve been picking up
All the love we squandered
Until you
Hold me in your swaying arms again
I`ve been longing
For a new world waiting
I`ve been hoping
To be sent
I`ve been picking up
All the love we squandered
Until you
Hold me in your swaying arms again
Until you
Rest me in your swaying arms again

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Anorexia and Bulimia Trigger Sites

March 26, 2007 at 11:55 pm (Anorexia, Bulimia, Christian, Eating Disorders, Medicine)

I’m not anorexic (nor do I have any eating disorder) and I never have been. But I do care very very much for those that are.

I remembered something today about the trigger sites. Just to offend any pro-anorexic* who ever reads this (and I don’t mean to, I’m sorry); I’m against trigger sites in every shape and form. I’m sorry; please be patient and let me explain why.

I would understand if that made people angry. If your anorexic then maybe trigger site is special to you, its got a name in your head its somewhere where people actually understand and will help you on your struggle. You didn’t choose that struggle but its good to have someone to help. How could I ever be against that?

At first I thought it was ‘I believe they’re telling you the wrong thing’. That’s not what I think though, and maybe you’d never accept that. All the rights and wrongs have been long debated. But actually the thing is, I think they leave something out. Because this is not about your beliefs or mine. Its about your identity. (When ana is your friend)

I don’t know anything about you but I love you. I believe you are special, you’re special from the moment God made you. I love you pasteurised, full fat, I love you food in the bin or puke in the toilet. I love you because of the marks you don’t like and when your mind is one person and your body another I love the both of you – that’s your identity.

I wish you had any idea of the raging beauty inside of you. Inside of you is a light so bright if it was physical it would make ash of magazine and picture. I don’t even know you and I’m cut up and crying for you but that’s a speck in the ocean next to the God who crossed the Universe just to die for you. If that’s too religious for you right now then fine but listen to what I’m saying about self image.

 For me its not about who you are right now or will be tomorrow. But who you were born. And actually, even though our entire society is geared into ranking that somewhere, and you think that somewhere is quite low….the person you were born as has more to their soul than white teeth and paperweight. You’re special, just by being you, no matter what you’re doing right now; whether you’re eating or not eating. So why do one or the other? The thing is, if you could ever see your value as it truly truly is then you wouldn’t see ana or mia as the answer, you’d understand love.

What I’m saying isn’t disapproving. I know trigger site is your support. I wish you to have a support which isn’t disapproving but does tell you about your real identity. I think trigger site has got the not disapproving bit, and that’s why the site is comfortable, and its even got love and fellowship there but it’s missing the essential premise of your identity and you need to know that truly to be set free, and I’m not talking religiously although that’s important too. I appreciate the content of this is highly emotive for those who are actually involved in the situation. I’m sorry if you’re angry because of the words I’ve chosen to use – I just wish I knew how to help you. (But I will pray for you, so in one way I do know)

*I’m not saying all anorexics are pro-trigger sites.

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